Friday, January 8, 2010

Martha Stewart is My Edward Cullen

The question is which side are you on? Are you Team Edward? Or are you Team Jacob?

With the recent release of “New Moon,” I find teenage vampaholics have gone ga-ga, fangs extended, to prove their beloved Edward is the name whispered from my lips when asked this oh-so-life-changing question. Their eyes bulge waiting to find out my true colors. And so, to this chorus of prepubescent shrieks, I dare to say: neither. I’m 100% third party.

That’s right, I’m for team Martha!

Team Martha Stewart, that is. No, Martha hasn’t turned into a vampire, or traded in her blond locks for a full body hair-wolf-athon. No, she’s still the mistress of home-crafting and baking bedazzlement, and dare I say she could give Edward a run for his money. Let’s compare:

Edward Cullen
1) Brooding and Dangerous
2) Soul-less Vampire
3) Immortal
4) Sparkles in the Sunlight
5) Thinks Bella Smells So Good He Wants to Eat Her
6) Achingly Beautiful (according to the screenplay)
7) Brings Teenage Girls to Their Knees with Incomparable Obsession and Loyalty
8) Is 100% fictional

Martha Stewart
1) Happy and Dangerous
2) Soul-less Advertiser
3) Immortal
4) Makes all Baked Goods and Crafts Sparkle Day or Night
5) Makes all Baked Goods Smell So Good You’d Sell Your Soul to Eat Them
6) Makes Cakes that are Butter-Cream-Beautiful
7) Speaks to the Almost-Thirty Homemaker that I Didn’t Even Know Lived Under This California Girl Veneer
8) Is 100% Flesh and Blood

Honestly, I just want something I can sink my teeth into.

The key here is obsession. Young girls are obsessed with Twilight, and I’m obsessed with 2009 winter issue of Martha Stewart’s Holiday Sweets, which is really what this whole blog post is about.

I bought this magazine on a whim. Yes, some achingly beautiful picture on the cover catches my eye, a few flips through its sunlight sparkling pages, and I fell hard and fast. My brooding vampire is a caramel-pear terrine. I found myself drooling over pictures of Eggnog cups, and carrot spice tartlets, lemon mousse, and pumpkin flan. Not to mention the special section on how to build your very own gingerbread mansion (or subdivision for that matter)! I read this magazine cover to cover, and then I read it again. I wanted to rip out the pictures and paste them on the wall so I could stare starry-eyed into the sweet marshmallow gaze of caramel pots de crème! Edward, you’ve got nothin’ when Martha’s got Raspberry Pistachio Dacquoise!

But I digress…

Perhaps all these sweets, like Edward, are just a fantasy. They look immaculate and unattainable in the glossy photos. Martha casts her spell, and for a minute I think maybe I too can make something just as marvelous, something just as exquisite and rare. Am I really special enough, talented enough, and obsessed enough?

I don’t believe in Vampires. But cake. Cake I can work with. Team Martha all the way!


  1. Great stuff. :) What is the blue-background picture of? it looks delightful.

  2. OMG no one does food porn like Martha Stewart... yeah, I am totally on board with the whole team Martha thing!

  3. I love looking at her food, but it's Martha's arts and crafts that make me drool. My mother makes fun of me because I've perfected gift bow tying just so my gifts can look like a Martha Stewart magazine layout. I know I do it. It's OK. Drool and pursue Martha perfection all the way!

  4. The blue picture is the Caramel Pear Terrine. Looks so good!