The question is which side are you on? Are you Team Edward? Or are you Team Jacob?
With the recent release of “New Moon,” I find teenage vampaholics have gone ga-ga, fangs extended, to prove their beloved Edward is the name whispered from my lips when asked this oh-so-life-changing question. Their eyes bulge waiting to find out my true colors. And so, to this chorus of prepubescent shrieks, I dare to say: neither. I’m 100% third party.
That’s right, I’m for team Martha!
Team Martha Stewart, that is. No, Martha hasn’t turned into a vampire, or traded in her blond locks for a full body hair-wolf-athon. No, she’s still the mistress of home-crafting and baking bedazzlement, and dare I say she could give Edward a run for his money. Let’s compare:
1) Brooding and Dangerous
2) Soul-less Vampire
4) Sparkles in the Sunlight
5) Thinks Bella Smells So Good He Wants to Eat Her
6) Achingly Beautiful (according to the screenplay)
7) Brings Teenage Girls to Their Knees with Incomparable Obsession and Loyalty
8) Is 100% fictional
1) Happy and Dangerous
2) Soul-less Advertiser
4) Makes all Baked Goods and Crafts Sparkle Day or Night
5) Makes all Baked Goods Smell So Good You’d Sell Your Soul to Eat Them
6) Makes Cakes that are Butter-Cream-Beautiful
7) Speaks to the Almost-Thirty Homemaker that I Didn’t Even Know Lived Under This California Girl Veneer
8) Is 100% Flesh and Blood
Honestly, I just want something I can sink my teeth into.
The key here is obsession. Young girls are obsessed with Twilight, and I’m obsessed with 2009 winter issue of Martha Stewart’s Holiday Sweets, which is really what this whole blog post is about.
I bought this magazine on a whim. Yes, some achingly beautiful picture on the cover catches my eye, a few flips through its sunlight sparkling pages, and I fell hard and fast. My brooding vampire is a caramel-pear terrine. I found myself drooling over pictures of Eggnog cups, and carrot spice tartlets, lemon mousse, and pumpkin flan. Not to mention the special section on how to build your very own gingerbread mansion (or subdivision for that matter)! I read this magazine cover to cover, and then I read it again. I wanted to rip out the pictures and paste them on the wall so I could stare starry-eyed into the sweet marshmallow gaze of caramel pots de crème! Edward, you’ve got nothin’ when Martha’s got Raspberry Pistachio Dacquoise!
But I digress…
Perhaps all these sweets, like Edward, are just a fantasy. They look immaculate and unattainable in the glossy photos. Martha casts her spell, and for a minute I think maybe I too can make something just as marvelous, something just as exquisite and rare. Am I really special enough, talented enough, and obsessed enough?
I don’t believe in Vampires. But cake. Cake I can work with. Team Martha all the way!